Twisted Heels

The day I turn 23

2008-12-31T08:26:00.001Z

is also the day you found out I'm blogging again.

Happy New Year!

The 'once in a while' therapy

2008-11-24T00:08:00.006Z

It is so easy to get caught up in the daily life. In fact, if it was not the opportunity for a late night update of my résumé and having herbal tea to soothe the sore throat, this post would not exist and I, would be drifting away in bed.

It has been a long time since I stayed up late, on a quiet night, listening to soothing songs and let my thoughts find its way. Too much has happened and many experience gained. In no timely order, the things I have done/been through:

1. Attended a concert

2. Screaming down the street at 3am on a Wednesday morning

3. Got drunk and embarrassed myself silly

4. Explaining to everyone the ang moh in my life

5. Suffered sickness due to work induced stress

6. Got promoted for a mere 1k, and wished I had not

7. Booked tickets to go home

8. Meeting all sorts of people every Monday

9. Cycling to work

10. Love, loved and forgiven

Life is settling. Sometimes I wished for more, at times I wished for less. The only thing I hope remains constant - that everyday, somehow in its twisted way, I have learned something and it has changed my life.

The seam and the hem - that sounds like the kind of life I've been living so far.

xx.

Dear Diary

2008-10-07T10:09:00.003+01:00

I left you.

It wasn’t hard the deed itself to be honest. I was too content so I seek excitement. It isn’t hard to be fooled, it isn’t hard to give up, and it isn’t hard to pursue wishful thinking.

But I left you.

There are days when I look back and I smile. Certain days I sigh. I can’t quite make out what I am supposed to feel. Emotions could be incredibly subjective. Is this normal or is this abnormal? Is this what I chose right, or was it wrong?

I do not want to start another rally. Our lives are not a race, our days are not numbered but I feel empty not having you beside. Why do I feel left out?

I miss you.

But I no longer pine for your presence nor do I pine for your absence.

I’ve learnt to finally loving you afar, and I still love you with all my heart.

Dedicated to all of you

2008-07-04T08:43:00.005+01:00

It isn't just about the glass. There's so much more.

Just like that I have posted 420 posts in a span of 2 and a half years. Time moving so fast, I wonder if I don't jot down my thoughts, will I still remember myself in ten year's time?

Yesterday one of my badminton partners came to the pharmacy. As the season ended, we didn't really kept much in contact. He always have been a daddy figure to me, and we were great partners on the court. I was talking to him gleefully before he told me the worst news I would have imagined. He used to tell me to visit his son who is in Berlin, but I guess I wouldn't have the chance to do so now. His son passed away and it was a terrible tragedy. His son was at a rooftop party, got drunk and accidentally fell down.

You always think matters like this happen to someone else, but it's in your inner circle closer than you thought. That is what that has been in my life nowadays. People with diseases, people who died, people who are hospitalised, there is nothing that could sound worse to my ears.

I've been deciding lately and I think this blog has come to an end. I no longer want to voice my thoughts here anymore but we shall see where I head to somewhere in the future. It's great knowing each and everyone who hopped to my blog once in a while to spread some cheer. I thank you.

Everyone moves on to a better place; so am I.

Don't worry, today I'm no longer alone. I've been swept off my feet and I hope it'll last. We shall see as I enjoy this time in life. God bless everyone and may love keep you alive. I won't bid adieu, because it won't be.

:)

Do you want to fix me?

2008-06-29T22:45:00.003+01:00

Life is still the same, but it's different. Doesn't make sense does it?

I called home today. My dad told me last month he was hospitalised. He had a tumour removed in his bladder. No one told me because I was preparing for my exam. The tumour was detected in the early stage, he doesn't even need chemo or radiotherapy but I'm getting paranoid now. I think I feel angry because I was kept in the dark. He still needs regular check-ups, hopefully everything would be okay.

You could know each other for five years and not know each other, or you could know each other for a week and felt like you've known each other for a long, long time. We got really close in the recent months. You know the gut feeling? I'm scared.

My exam wasn't exactly easy but I hope all goes well. Everything in its course in 3 week's time. I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow. Life can be ordinary, yet extraordinary in a day.

I'm fixin' it.

The after

2008-06-25T09:35:00.003+01:00

As I start packing my bags heading down to London for my exam this Friday, I couldn't help having mixed emotions.

I want to get it over with, but what happens next?

Will my bowl still be empty, or would life somehow changed forever?

When I get back from the weekend, how will things be?

I've got to answer two people. What do I want to hear? What do they want to hear? Will I even choose any?

Will I get back to normal life? Who knows? I hope so, in a merrier state.

Pray I pass the exam. I'm still unprepared.

Got glow?

2008-06-23T10:14:00.003+01:00

Hehehehehe!

Even if it's slow, it's an ending and a beginning.

:)

When you make a blunder

2008-06-21T22:28:00.003+01:00

The great thing about friendships is this. They are always there with and without humour. They keep you grounded, they keep you insane. They keep you alive without fear.

**

Summer solstice at Stonehenge was incredible. I was soaking wet at the end because I went unprepared. It was freaking cold, I forgot to bring my camera, and everyone was just high smoking weed. It's the first time I've heard about druids. There were some Pagans, loads of hippies and tonnes of cool people. More of that in a post later.

I'm definitely going there again next year!

Attachment

2008-06-20T11:10:00.007+01:00

As I close my eyes before I sleep, as I open my eyes as I awake, this song is breathtaking. Ive been playing it over and over and I can't seem to get it out of my head. Just listen!

My friend told me yesterday some of their songs are in Hopelandic. Basically it's not a language but made up by the musician. How awesome is that! Their music is getting into me and everyday I feel like I'm in a pile of feathers. I would so love to attend their concert next week in London but all tickets have obviously been sold out.

Anyway, last night I was out to celebrate my friend's birthday. It was just dinner, then we had strawberries at his home listening to Sigur Ros playing with glow sticks. It was an interesting night. Then again, engineers always make me curious. Obviously I don't know much about physics except that I did enjoy it back in school. We were talking about setting up our own businesses and wackiest stories sprouted up. Sending frequencies into space, microchip implantation of the human brain, transporting stuff using the spinning orbits, I don't know, there were so many told and I got pretty much confused in the end! It was interesting nevertheless and I enjoyed every bit of the mind-boggling session.

Come June 21 it's the summer solstice. It would be dumb if I'm in Salisbury and do not camp out at Stonehenge tonight. Besides it's the only time when entrance is free and you get to touch the rocks and not see it from a distance. Enjoy your longest day of the year!

A week left

2008-06-19T16:47:00.002+01:00

It's too fast! Today is not Thursday right?

It was my bait to finish studying so I could party. Die lah. How to enjoy 2 days in a row when I still have two books to revise? I don't want to tag my book for the midnight sun.

*sigh*

Sentimentality

2008-06-18T12:05:00.003+01:00

Back in my uni days, I had a fair share of admirers.

While cooking noodles for lunch this afternoon, I thought back of my 3rd year (which was the best time, really) and I remembered this guy. He has moved on since then, but he has always been really nice and somewhat funny in his very own way.

So it was the exam season. I was at the uni library every night, striving hard to pass all my exams. He sometimes was there too, studying by himself. One night he came over to talk to me. I was quite hungry and was telling him how nice if I had a plate of roasted pork rice (char siew fun?) I also talked about me unable to memorise, and I was stressed. Half an hour later, he called me to go out of the library. He brought with him roasted pork rice, crispy pork rice (siew yuk fun) and two cups of coffee for me and my friend.

I was so touched that I kept thanking him and asking him if he wanted a hug. He blushed!

Well, that was ages ago. How nice if someone rang my doorbell now and send me a plate of char koay teow. Studying makes me hungry.

Lusciously

2008-06-17T18:50:00.002+01:00

*snip*

*chop*

1 inch?

Make it 2 inches.

*snip*

Catwalk.

*wind in the air*

You think this song is all about you.

Fabulous.

Stiff bored

2008-06-16T21:08:00.003+01:00

I finished the packet of Doritos earlier this afternoon. Staying at home is making me fat! My printer is at risk of getting abused because it keeps jamming up papers halfway. I've got notes thrown left and right, past papers all in a neat pile and books everywhere on my table.

I think I've found out the reason why everytime it's holiday season, I'm off somewhere. Seriously, I wonder how could people just chill out doing nothing for a week! Weekends yes, but a whole week? Even with studying, I still have plenty of time which is incredibly weird. Everything feels draggy now! Not that I don't like it because I have loads of revision to do. Maybe because I've started working, I managed my time for chores better that now, I've got nothing to do except reading my book all night long. This silence is hard to cope.

Is it just me? When I was a student, I thought time went by too fast. Maybe I'm not enjoying now. Hmm...

Hunger all day long

2008-06-16T15:38:00.004+01:00

Yesterday I had a case of sulking so I could get undivided attention. Exam is stressful, you know. So I talked about this, talked about that and blamed him for everything on nothing. The reply was hilarious! He was commenting on girls liking to beat around the bush when clearly we just want someone to console with sweet words. Heheh. Guys are so cute at times :)

I met someone online this morning. It seems everyone is better off nowadays. Flying overseas for work, running business of their own, in a relationship/ married and settled down. I feel like I'm the last one standing. Still studying, career has barely started and I have already contemplated on taking my gap year.

Anyone wants a piece of Doritos?

Under the big, blue sky

2008-06-15T13:51:00.004+01:00

As you said, time will tell. So let time take its course. And when it happens, whatever the outcome, we'll smile because the hardest part is over.

The candle is still burning.

Stifles a yawn

2008-06-14T10:27:00.002+01:00

Yesterday I found a huge spider among my clothes. According to the Brits, if you come across spiders, you are lucky. I digress. They are scary, fury pointless creatures! Needless to say, it got killed with my slippers and I sent all my clothes for laundry.

Fact is I am holiday for two weeks now. Bad news is this is technically not a holiday but study leave. I was so tired yesterday I came home and slept until this morning when my tummy grumbled because I did not have dinner last night.

This morning when I came online, a junior talked to me. Everytime we chat it's always about studies and exams. I honestly do not like to talk about them because it's always about starting early, and I am the last person to get advice from. I don't practise what I preach. However it was sad to see that she cracked under the pressure, have to resit three exams but deferred them because she's seeing a psychiatrist now.

And I thought my stress levels are sky high.

My daily regime now is to wake up, head to gym then study until the cow comes home. Boring.

Bugger, bugger!

2008-06-12T23:03:00.005+01:00

From my RSS feed today:

The pharmaceutical society intends to raise the practising retention fees to 415 pounds (or 418 depending) next year. It was a 39% increase last year (395 from 283) and now again? It's so bloody expensive for everything nowadays! You have to pay for your training (153), you have to pay for your exam (189) and upon passing the exam, you need to pay your registration fees (191).

This doesn't include the work permit (500 over), the relocation (150), the stress to secure a placement and then a job (infinity). This doesn't include travel to and fro for the exam, and let's not get started on accommodation in London. Because I need my own space for revision and so do my friends, most of us non-Londoners are staying up in a hotel. Now I regret for not taking my exam in Cardiff. Now I know where some of my money went to.

Beef.

Did anyone read about the engineer that got murdered in Sainsburys? Apparently a woman was angry because someone cut her queue while shopping in the supermarket so she called her bf and he punched this innocent bystander. He suffered head injuries and was sent to the hospital but unfortunately, he didn't make it. Shopping rage! Not a great time to say this but I couldn't stop thinking 'hell hath no fury like a women scorned'.

So much of the dark side nowadays. Where's tranquility?
Vanished with the petrol vapour?

The iron cast

2008-06-11T20:59:00.006+01:00

Today was the end of our year's worth of training. As we all walk away with the burden on our shoulders, I couldn't help thinking the people we meet for a season for a reason. We may not attend the same workshops, work in the same company nor ever be able to meet again.

Some may have brighten more than others, some may have been braver than others, some may be better in the future than others, but we went through the same path once. I might forget who is who by the end of next year, but there will be great memories.

I looked like shit today. I woke up late so I had to rush to the train station. Luckily the train got delayed and I arrived just in time before my training started. I tied up my hair only to realise I didn't had any foundation on. Hit the Benefit counter downstairs during lunchtime for damage control and managed to take away a mini sample of Posietint too. No budget to buy anything these days. I only bought citronella garden candles to lure mosquitoes away.

My friend said I'm lousy at time management. I had to laugh because it's true. I said I'll try harder next time. I hope I won't disappoint.

On Facebook today, I saw marriage, pregnancy and baby pictures. It looks all so romantic, but I guess I won't go down that line for quite a number of years to come. In fact, someone reignited my hope giving me more reason to fly. We shall see.

These days, I guess what has been a blessing is knowing someone has been behind helping and supporting me through it all. So I've started writing again. In pen and paper. Even though it's only a card with my complaints, I've been thinking of you.

And I whisper 'Thank You'.

Too much of a coincidence

2008-06-10T21:16:00.007+01:00

Fifteen accelerated readings. Three weeks to trauma. Constant raised intracranial pressure. Dog-eared pharmacy bible. What did CSM said? Insomnia. Two puffs prn. One goal. Pretend you didn't read this.

Let's listen to some Indie. Starálfur is more popular but I love Samskeyti. I've got the album but I found the first 30 secs to promote the Great Icelandic feeling. What? Don't like my taste?

Samskeyti - Sigur Rós

Okay. I'm getting pretty nervous. Partly my fault, but ugh, I don't know! To receive daily texts from a guy, that's not normal is it? No surge of hormones, only added stress.

At the end of the month, I'll make sure I sit on a deckchair reading Robert Bauval under a parasol overlooking the sea floating my worries away.

Stuff the pillow with goose feathers

2008-06-08T20:33:00.004+01:00

Have you read 'The power to imagine better?' I found it motivating.

A call to my grandma today, and she wants me to guide my cousins. I laughed it off that I'm nowhere near a good follower but I knew I had to tell them something out of love and responsibility. Being at that stage before, I think all teenagers are just trying to find themselves and where they should belong. It's not a big deal unless it involves drugs, stealing and getting intoxicated. Grandparents, parents, family, they worry all the time, don't they?

Yesterday after having three cocktails (I know, with my exam so near!), I felt guilty after all the hard work I put into gym. I've came to realised it's not about losing weight, but a conscious choice to stay healthy. It's always like that. I fret but after finally doing it, it's not as bad as it seems. When I was 5, no one could make me taste a spoonful of mushroom soup. There was nothing wrong with it but I did not want to try. Everyone said it was good, I did not believe. It was a lie, and I made a sour face. It was only ten years later when there was nothing in the kitchen to eat, I opened Campbells and ever since then, I got hooked. My family laughs at me whenever mushroom soup comes up in the conversation. I guess you never know until you try.

Three more weeks from now, I could breathe in relief. Right now, I feel like I'm the rat in the learned helplessness experiment. I don't want to go there :(

Hug?

Prophecies

2008-06-06T20:57:00.004+01:00

Till this very day, I see this picture and I think they look like angels in the sky.

Sometimes you have all of it in you that when it gets too much, you burst. You appreciate the concern and support but pushing you out of your limit, sometimes it gets just a little bit too much. Sometimes you talk about yourself, and someone offloads a story about themselves. You think you have it bad, he/she may actually have it worse. But experience is subjective. You can't compare, and no, you shouldn't. I try not to.

To one, 5 years is a long time and it's painful but to another, 5 years is long gone and you're ready to start again.

Sometimes you don't understand, but you accept it nonetheless. Sometimes I don't understand, but I guess that's the way the world goes round. Sometimes I wish we were equal, but then I wouldn't love you more than the way I love you now.

Just by knowing you're there, loud or silent, I guess that's love good enough for me.

When she sings

2008-06-05T13:50:00.002+01:00

It doesn't take much to lift spirits up.

#1: A phone call talking about gross stuff like leaking periods and diarrhoea. He always has that special place in my heart. A phone call whining about not having homemade dumplings for five years in a row now. Sometimes I wonder if being with family should be the most important thing because chasing after dreams would never end. The longer I stay here, the longer I feel bad for not being there. Have you told someone you miss them?

#2: Making someone smile at my own expense, having it caught on video camera too. If I could giggle under the duvet acting like a lunatic, I'm truly comfortable. Funny how we all start as strangers but as we peel off the layers, everyone is uniquely beautiful. Have you been yourself today?

#3: Hearing piano chords. David Sides is absolutely talented. Find him on YouTube and MySpace. There is a line between hard work and being gifted. I never told anyone but I worked really hard, but sometimes it just wasn't enough so I ran away from it. Isn't it such a waste? I think so myself.

#4: Researching on new places yonder. Dubrovnik, Helsinki, and Stockholm. I was going to backpack but I've decided for the first time not to let it get to my head. I'm moving to a new city, I'm buying a new car, I'm purchasing new skates, I'm learning violin, with so many I's, I will just have to buckle my belt and savour the remaining days. It has been a good, reflective year. The unknown always make you braver, wiser and contented.

#5: Because I could sit here, close my eyes and feel serenity, I'm beginning to find myself again. I call it accidental meditation. Nirvana in my heart. I hope you've found yours too.

I take my leave.

24 days more

2008-06-02T22:38:00.004+01:00

While printing out a whole lot of examination papers (still am), I came upon a folder that was left abandoned in a corner. Upon clicking, I found many writings when I was unable to access the internet last year. I'm a rubbish writer but when I do it without thinking, I churn out beautiful stories. It is the simple things that truly satisfies. Wished I was more like that.

My printer is giving me loads of problems. Paper jams, ink leaks, printer jam, I don't know what else. Guess printing 200 over pages is too much?

I am getting really sporadic and I can't concentrate. I'll be studying for an hour, I come online, study twenty minutes, find something else to do, sit on the chair end up playing games. Then I read some news, open another book, then another book, then another book. STRESS!

I can't wait until it's over.

After that, I'm thinking of a mini holiday :) Then I'll move, then in Oct, I'll go home. I can't believe it has just been 4 months since I got back here. It just seemed like forever.

The locum I had in store today called me 'abundance of joy' after he found out the meaning of my name. I kept wondering if somehow my abundance was silliness and careless. Who on earth slips/falls/knocks/hurts herself everyday? Worth pondering for another day.

Okay. Back to books. My printer has officially ran out of ink.

Those big lungs of mine

2008-06-01T11:41:00.005+01:00

Doing surveys as part of my leisurely income, I came upon this poll that made me laughed.

When your computer crashes, who do you take it out on?

1) Your mouse
2) The sales guy
3) The first person you see
4) Yourself

Having my laptop crashed for twice, I am very certain that I am number 1. Poor loyal mouse.

**

I woke up surprisingly early today. I was out whole day yesterday. Drank a lot during and after dinner. Got home, housemate had friends around and I started drinking again. I remembered I simply brushed my teeth and washed my face before I fell into my dreams at 3am.

I feel so much lighter today, but I've got a little sore throat from screaming yesterday. One less fear since the age of 8, I've got myself to sit on all the rides. The last time I've been to a theme park was more than ten years ago, and I was crying because the roller coasters were really scary. That's Six Flags Magic Mountain for a beginner, mind you. At least now I am no longer afraid! I remembered I was on Stealth in Thorpe Park (which was going really, really fast) and when we went down after the tip, I thought it was going to end so I opened my eyes but screamed even more because I was still going down. Scary like hell! All in all, it was a great day out and I'm now recuperating.

That's the Stealth snapped while queuing using my phone.

Other things noted:

-I would have won the wet t-shirt contest after the wettest ride ever rode. I whined why I was the only one who gets all wet and 2 minutes after, the little girl (about age 5) who was in my raft whined why she was the only one who gets wet after another splash and all of us laughed. She's the mini-me.

-Theme park bonds people.

-My friend's Audi car is superb. I'm beginning to like cars with 3 doors compared to 5.

-My friend bought guavas for me. I can't even express the happiness!

I am now truly satisfied.

Colouring is the new metaphor

2008-05-30T23:32:00.002+01:00

Those who know me, or those who know me well on MSN knows my name changes all the time. Metaphors; sometimes even on this blog itself is what makes me grins when no one understands. It doesn't make sense? Oh yes it does!

But nah, I'm not going into the deep stuff today. I'm at the shallow part, and shallow part I shall stay. In fact, I'm going to blog about the series that I could watch over and over and the mentioning of any of the words would make me squeal in delight (while guys would roll their eyes) and gossip away about the Eiffel bag, the cupcake bag, the Manolos, the poetry, the simple sentence 'I'm sorry I screwed it up - I love you forever', the you know I can't stop talking about it once I start!

I still love the feathers

Yes, it's SATC The Movie. Scanning the cinema, there were only 5 XY out of all the XX chromosomes! Okay, Samantha is single in the end with her active dog, Lily and Rose the joy of Charlotte, Miranda gets back with Steve and Carrie, in the end she married Big in her vintage dress. Yes, it is easy to get carrie-d away, as punned by Samantha.

See, men don't get it but I don't mind. It's easier to love than to understand. That's also why I choose to be with someone who makes me feel good and not someone who makes me think of him all the time.

I finally got my head right, and just about time.

Filling water in sand

2008-05-28T23:07:00.005+01:00

Since November last year I joined the gym. I never did lose any weight because I kept going on holidays. Holidays = eat + drink a lot so call it lucky that I only gained 1kg.

I have been to the gym five times last week, which is a record. I am there usually maybe once or twice a week only. Three days in a row this week and every night I have been sleeping like a pig. Skipping today I feel so odd and somewhat guilty. I had a footlong Subway sandwich for lunch!

I love my arms. They're toned now. There's no more side spills when I wear tube tops. How great is that! I guess exercising does make a difference. Being able to run on the threadmill for 30 minutes without feeling exhausted was unbelievable a few months ago. I'm better than that nowadays :)

I'm waiting to talk to my Mum. She's late hence this no-brainer post. I think I shall clean my room now before she realises it's a mess.

Am I getting sporadic? It seems so. I wonder why.

The softer side

2008-05-26T22:57:00.003+01:00

It's sad that my holiday has come to an end. Not that I've been doing anything special, but from now on, it's time I got serious. It is not easy being grown up. There's the money to worry, the future to think about and the people you meet in life. I have been avoiding all of it, hoping the knots would untie by themselves, but I guess it's time. I have been really stressed out lately.

My parents once in a while asked if I'm doing okay, which automatically my answer would be yes. It's not easy to start from scratch, but I'm determined to use only my hard-earned cash. I guess I'm stubborn, but that's what I do like about myself.

Today was the first time I've seen ducklings. They were swimming against the winds and torrent. It was also the first time he carried me teasing to throw me into the river. I can't even explain how I feel at the moment. It's not like before in the past. The feeling is entirely different. Is it supposed to be this way?

Another sleepless night.

Let the fun begin

2008-05-22T08:52:00.002+01:00

Say it not because you have to.

Say it because it's real.

Say it because you want to.

Say it because you need to.

Say it because it's best to stay true to ourselves.

**

Bank Holiday Weekend!

My 5 day holiday starts today. Yeah, my interview is today. I took Friday off. Sat and Sun sees me in my wet suit riding those waves.

:)

Sour cream & chives

2008-05-20T21:38:00.007+01:00

My friend sent this comic strip in a forwarded email and I couldn't help chuckling. It reminds me so much of my school years and the whole daily drama trying to wake me up for school. It doesn't matter if the alarm clock rings, I'll still be lying on the bed until my grandma shouts in my ear countless of times. Nowadays I don't have much choice being all grown up but I have three alarm clocks and I snooze them until the big, noisy one in my bathroom goes off. Absolutely last minute, but the feeling is downright fantastic. I always wonder if I'm the only one who feels this way.

My grandma makes breakfast for me. It usually is one cup of hot drink. Problem is, she loves them hot which is too much for me. So I make her do the 'teh tarik' which at the end of it, I complain it's too cold. Now that I'm independent, I feel the desire to be more dependent. Staying far away from home isn't going to help anything, does it? I feel the longing to pack my bags and head home in July. Unfortunately, air tickets at that time is sky high. What with airline companies nowadays charging more in the excuse of reducing carbon emission, it may only be next year when I'm able to have my favourite bowl of laksa. Nooo....

Joke aside, I have 39 days left to exam. The locum I had in today asked me if I'm all prepared. I'm starting to cringe when someone mentions the E word. There is a reason that you learn until the day you die. So no, never and is it okay if you don't ask? Obviously I never dare to reply any of them that way.

Wish me luck for my job interview this Thursday. I'm secretly hoping to get it so I could escape what I'm routinely doing now but I don't want to have high hopes just in case. Fingers crossed as always. Failing that, I guess I will settle down in Brighton.

Still. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed!

2008-05-18T12:12:00.002+01:00

Sunday is me-time! I love it that I give myself a day to recuperate. It's so easy to run around looking for activities but I'm happy enough to spend my time just lazying around, do some household chores and catch up with stuffs that I procrastinate throughout the week.

I can't believe I got up at 11 today and missed my circuits class! I blame it on the alcohol. Luckily I don't have a banging headache after yesterday's party. It drives me crazy that I can't blush. I was already tipsy but my friend kept refilling my glass. People - some of us just don't blush! That doesn't mean we're not drunk.

I steamed some okra for brunch today. How healthy is that. I realised I am still hungry so I'm now munching on celery sticks.

I've finished watching Hana Kimi after 1 1/2 weeks. I think I've had enough of Japanese dramas now. They always make me teary.

I hope the weather is great next week. I'm hoping to conquer one of my fears!

Jumping jack

2008-05-15T21:08:00.009+01:00

I watch a lot of American series, no doubt. Project Runway, ANTM, BNTM, Ugly Betty, Gossip Girl, Brothers & Sisters, Lost, Grey's Anatomy, you name it, I've more or less have watched it before.

One down from today and another down from next week. What do I think of the latest winner of ANTM Cycle 10? I have not been really impressed with her but I do think the Covergirl shot is the best so far that I've seen coming from her. Her energy was great on the runway and for a 'full-figured model', I think she deserved to win. If she makes me feel less fat, that's a plus isn't it?

My thoughts are getting erratic. Embrace it, darlings.

I bought a yellow dress from a stall at the French market in town today. It was only 10 pounds and to be honest, it's fantastic. It's light, wrinkle free, rockability, bright, sunny and reminded me of this couture dress (see above) that Jeffrey designed on Project Runway 3. Mine is a simple and short V neck knee length dress but the pattern is very similiar. Never did I thought I could score a bargain and a good one too, at a market.

Next issue on my mind.

My car buying plan is not going well at all. I don't know enough about cars to know exactly what I'm looking for. I'm definitely not buying a new one though. I do like several different cars and that makes things even more difficult for me. I love the Suzuki Swift. Nissan Micra isn't that bad too. Then there's the Renault, the Ford and the Honda. Then again, everyone knows I'm a very indecisive person and I just go with my gut feeling, so whatever will be, will be.

Last topic of today.

I have a week off after my exams and do want to go traveling. Point is, no one is free after that, I'm not sure if I should actually utilise the time to move, or should I just chill out after the gruelsome papers. My budget is low too.

NY is enticing. I want a Malta/Gozo break. Maybe Paris again? About time I should explore Andalucia. What about Poland? Enough with Europe. Head to Marrakesh. Even better, Egypt. I should stop with all the questions already!

With all the natural disasters going around the world, I might just decide to lie comfortably in bed with a stinking pillow in one hand and a smelly cow in the other.

A girl's list

2008-05-13T23:14:00.008+01:00

Forget Dan. Forget Nate.

Chuck Bass is my man! I love his character! Oh yes, I always fall for the bad yet good guys. He's going to hook up with Blair again. Aww.

I can't believe next week is the season 1 finale! The show is so good! The next season is going to take another year but at least it's going to be filmed in Hamptons. I can't wait!

I loved, loved, loved Rufus singing the updated version of Lincoln Hawk's Everytime. 'Everytime you walk away, run away, take a piece of me with you there'. No idea on how to get the song except to keep replaying the GG episode that I watched today. He makes me dreamy. Why reality is never, ever the same?

I'm just so excited after watching the latest episode :)

Dramas aside, it'll be very soon before I hit the cinema for SATC The Movie. I wonder what happens to Mr Big and Carrie in the end..

It's like a notepad except it's not

2008-05-12T20:06:00.004+01:00

Did you know cherries grow on trees?

*scratch scratch scratch*

It's the time of the year when my eczema breaks out loose in anticipation of summer. Cold water doesn't help, hot water doesn't help, my potent steroid cream doesn't stop the itchiness either! I need to start taking antihistamines or else I would not get a good night's sleep from now on.

After street dancing and salsa dancing, now I'm looking forward to learn pole dancing. Sometimes I think I have ADHD outlook on life. I can't sit still and focus on one thing at a time.

Yesterday my housemate told me one of his mates was saying he and I should couple up. It was a very nervous laugh telling my housemate we're cool but we're just that. My housemate did not laugh and that made me even more nervous. Dumb mate of his for suggesting it. Housemates don't fall in love with each other! It's too weird!

I have a sudden urge of heading to a theme park and ride rollercoasters.

A friend of mine is going home soon. He asked me if there was anything I would like him to bring back, all I could think of was CHEEZELS! Probably not the best food, but I'm just so sick of crisps. Everything is so bland here. It's always the same. Salt and vinegar.

My Mum suggested I move to Australia. My grandma said I should study PhD. My dad commented on my financial situation. I don't even know what I would do after exams.

I'm not worried. I bought something yesterday to destress. It's white, it's noisy and it keeps me going for hours. I'm hooked.

Dear belly button

2008-05-11T09:07:00.004+01:00

Sunday morning. Doing nothing.

Thoughts running wild. Memories prancing around.

You make sense. You always make me very tensed.

But you are right. My time is tight.

Maybe you'll someday see why it can be glee.

It's not easy to comprehend someone like me.

Close an eye, maybe two if need be.

One day you'll unlock with a key.

And I'm so, so sorry.

When I think to myself I haven't got much talents, one after another comes up with interesting quirks about me. The queerness that works, and that's a talent? Hmmph.

Workload is getting less nowadays but like every other university student, I'm hitting the books. That makes me very tired, very sleepy and no time for anything at all. Except Grey's Anatomy! Heh. It was so heart twisting. 'Are you a coward?' I think we all are a bit of that. Maybe I'm just the sadistic one.

Thursday was a great night out. My friend and I just sat on the couch drinking and talking a lot. Different views, huge ideas. He's so focused he makes me timid. But that's how I get by. Maybe here, maybe there, but I'll get there. And that's why I move. Am I a coward? Rightly so. I don't deny it.

Time to boil porridge with those who comforts my soul. Happy Mother's Day.

The patch in the corner

2008-05-07T22:38:00.004+01:00

My laptop came back to life by itself, so here I am! :)

See? Giraffes!

I met a girl today in my salsa class who had taken a gap year several years ago. She asked me where I originally came from and the next minute we started talking in Malay. I was laughing when she did a rendition of Sheila Majid.

Two weeks from now I'll have my first interview followed shortly by a written test. Am I excited? Maybe. Am I scared? Definitely. After four years, I'm still undecided which path I would really want to go to. Anyhow, for better or worse, I'm all happy that it's another experience.

Talking about moments to remember by, I was reminiscing of me jumping into the wrong train and spent ten minutes laughing at each other. Such bursting freedom, joy and delight! Alas, it was only rightly surreal. As the wise men say, 'It is easy to fall in love but difficult to stay in love'.

An aye for an eye, an eye for an aye.

The bank holiday weekend

2008-05-04T18:07:00.002+01:00

Yesterday I went to Longleat Safari Park and Cheddar Village & Gorge. It was a nice day out and the weather was great. It was a little bit chilly but my hoodie was warm, cosy and fab. My friend came back to visit and fetch me around! I got a box of chocolate fudge from Cornwall, courtesy from him as well. Gee. How can I diet?

I can't exactly remember the last time I've been to the zoo, or interact with animals. I remembered I once stroked a white tiger in America, but that's all I could refresh from my mind. I was 'ooo-ing' and 'aaa-ing' at nearly every animal I came across. Giraffes? OMG, I didn't know they were that tall! Deers, hehe, I fed a greedy one. He came towards the car where I put my hand out and licked all over my palm where I put the food out. At one point, he poked his head into the car just to get more food!

Monkeys were all jumping across the cars and the baby ones were quite a pretty sight! We saw the majestic lions, tigers and wolves too. It was kind of scary because my friend trusted me with his car, and even though I've got my driving license, I still suck at driving a manual. We were looking at the map and suddenly my friend talked about Cheddar and within one minute, we made the decision to head there. It's where cheese originally came from, fyi. In England, anyway. The gorge was beautiful, and omg, great place to abseil and rock climb! Unfortunately, I was too dressy for the occasion with my pointy cool pumps so I chose not to do anything sporty for the day.

I wished I could show pictures (I know, Prague and Amsterdam is not even up yet) but guess what? I can't, even though I did snap loads of them. Back in October last year, I came to accept that many things happen to me is and was for a reason. I was in despair, because majority of incidents were just plain unlucky, they happened to me and only me. Like one in a million chance, you know?

So here I am today, looking back at those days, I will go through the same moments from now on. This time round, I'm hoping for the best. What happened? Well, my laptop crashed again! At least it's not the hard drive for all that I know. My laptop can't turn on, so hopefully it's just the power adaptor/cable/whatever that component is because pray hard, I hope it's not the motherboard. It's bank holiday so no one could help me out. Thankfully, my housemate is fine with me borrowing his laptop once in a while. Damn, coz I have an assignment to pass up on Wednesday and I just saved the layout in my thumbdrive! (and am too lazy to dig out my hard drive for the half done work. What's the point anyway?)

I take it as a sign. With my laptop around, I've been watching too many movies, sitting comfortably playing, surfing, dreaming, doing nothing basically. I've still got a month and a half left, and my exam is no joke. So yes, I'll be deprived of the virtual world but that will make me sit and indulge in my books because I've got too much time to spare. Well, not really, but you get what I mean. Attachment and detachment. It gets easier every time. Hopefully I don't have to waste money to get a new laptop because I'm saving up for my little red car. I have decided the colour, still undecided what car I'm going for. Hey, at least that's a step right?

Twisted Heels has always been a small column where I rant and jot down my nonsensical worries. It'll get a little bit dusty from now on but hey, it's still not the end. So if you miss me (anyone? Hello?), drop me a mail or find me on Msn/Facebook.

Bright side? I've got job offers. All great locations.

End of the season

2008-04-29T22:50:00.003+01:00

That's a year of playing badminton for Laverstock BC. Just last Sunday it was a great day out with some of the players. I was the only 22 year old there, but probably the most chicken one screaming on top of my lungs. Everyone else was over 50 and they were more daring than me!

We went to New Forest Avon Tyrell and had a go with high ropes. It was scary not being on the ground. My knees were uncontrollably shaking. I hope my screaming pictures don't go up on the website. The activity was so much fun though!

**

Stressed out. Only two months left.

Every twist at every turn

2008-04-27T11:06:00.004+01:00

It was so hot in London yesterday. First sign of summer? I definitely hope so. I want a tan!

All of us influence each other and it is actually easy for us to get sucked into each other's ideas. The line where we turn around and say otherwise is probably why we are all different at the end of the day, and somehow, I'm quite grateful for that.

There are so many different things I wish to do, but it's no longer the same when you're in a different transition in life. Back when I was 18 I said this. 21 I said that. 23 now, but coming out into reality is so much more different that you can't just say I want this and that. It's not about the work (it could be), it's not about the money (it could also be) but it's all about what you plan to do and this time round, it does include the others revolving around you. It also includes the past, the present and the future.

Maybe it's just me. I hold on tightly to everything, it isn't easy to fly them away.

Will I do it? Yes, I probably will. In the near future. Right now? There are still other things on my mind. Besides, there could always be a twist with every chapter unfold. Who knows?

Life's art

2008-04-24T23:03:00.008+01:00

Boats of Volendam; Netherlands

**

Once in a while I do this.

Think, smile, think, sigh, think, weep, think, love. In a random order.

It is always so easy to speed on and being so focused, or should I say too focused that everything else is left aside or given the axe. So once in a while I do this and I'm glad to feel this way. To be humbled, awed and being grateful for everything that has occurred and for me to turn out still me, in the end.

Sometimes I feel that the way the path is it's meant to be. Certainly true that we are the narrator of our stories and we are the navigator of our choices, but as stories unfold and the wind blows, we can't deny there is only so much we could do and leave the rest to destiny, to luck, to God's arms, however you perceive it to be.

Emulating is tiring and perceiving is draining. Beams of hope can be shadowed once rejection occurs and climbing up the stairs always leave you breathless. The point when you accept the views, breathless as it is, it takes your breath away. And breathe, and breathe, and breathe.

I feel good. The way I see it now, you see what you want to see.

I've never had to be poor, I've never had to starve, I've never had to even share. Most has been to mine, myself and I have more to go round for all. Seeing the same homeless lady who sits in front of the library steps, the methadone addict who has so much to provide but just falls short to helping himself, the single mum who works as a stripper to provide for her child, her rent and her drama degree, I sympathise their fears.

We have our own road to work on, mending potholes and finding new connecting paths, but once in a while? It's great to sit down, take a sip of water and think that the road so far is a wonderful work of life's art.

End of the strike

2008-04-22T23:09:00.002+01:00

How glad that this week is full of entertainment!

With the writer's strike over, Gossip Girl, Lost, Grey's Anatomy, DH, Ugly Betty, omg omg..so many to catch up! And I'm hooked now on Brothers & Sisters.

Best of both worlds. I'm glad how things turn out. My future looks pretty okay, and full of love.

:)

I'm still thinking about the basket of longans for 7.99 that I had seen last week in London's Chinatown. Those guavas as well! 4.99 per kg, so cut throat expensive. Hmm. Will decide this Saturday when I'm down again.

9 more weeks.

My legs hurt like mad. 5 successive matches and winning all of them. The stronger players you play with, the better and faster you get. Probably the same way in life. Next week is the last game for this badminton season. I shall have to find another sport to keep me satisfied then!

Time for bed and another day.

The difference

2008-04-20T18:13:00.003+01:00

It wasn't a pretty sight.

5 minutes to make it or break it.

The bass rings.

Yeah, you're still alright.

Ventilation

2008-04-17T21:37:00.004+01:00

If there was one thing that was very visible in me, it has got to be the dark, dark circles. No amount of concealer, Touche eclat and eye brighteners could cover it up. No sleep = high frustration. Stupid customers = higher frustration. So much thinking and so much work = unlimited amount of frustration!

It suddenly hit me when I got a letter from the society stating that my exam registration needs to be done. Groaning thunders, grey clouds and pouring rain is how I feel about the whole thing right now. God, and I still have an audit to finish with. Let's not go there because I will bitch about my work being plagiarised and taken advantage of by my damn smart colleague. I'm glad she's digging London. Move faster. Shoo!

I applied. Not all, but those that I was kind of interested in because of their areas, and majority were actually smaller pharmaceutical companies. Paediatric hospital sounded great, I had an informal chat with the Chief Pharmacist, and he was pretty pleased. But I don't know man, I don't know what I want. And it's not an easy job. And there's the night rounds, and I can't imagine myself on the rota because no or inadequate sleep = high frustration = very scary me. On top of that, working in the NHS would qualify me for peanuts pay only.

Then there's the other job I'm really interested in. It's something totally different, which I'm not quite sure if I am actually suitable for it but I want to go there. No idea what's the pay like and if they're looking to employ someone as inexperienced as me. Bad news is the closing date is at the end of this month, interviews take longer and the icing of the cake of all my miseries, my company wants me. I got my third choice, the offer letter is staring at me since 2 days ago and I need to let them know by end of this month. The best part of staying with them is I get 6 weeks unpaid leave so I could head home.

Someone give me anxiolytics.

My housemate suggested porn. I got to love him for being so thoughtful.

The dimple in cheek

2008-04-13T19:37:00.003+01:00

There are times when a movie tells you a story more than a thousand pictures. Especially when it is all in your mind, or maybe not?

I see the signs, but I wonder.

Sum concerns of today

2008-04-10T18:25:00.006+01:00

On my first yoga class, I felt like a rock. I can't turn, I can't fold, I can't twist!

On my second dancing class, I look like a klutz.

On my third review at gym, I actually gained 2kg over the past 3 months. Hello..even with exercise?

Being too complacent. That's my excuse. Time for more hardcore exercises. Bring out the circuits!

A sharp bend

2008-04-08T22:26:00.003+01:00

I've been here! Apparently it's in one of the Top 10 Modern Architecture List.

Anyone know where this is?

My knee hurts!

2008-04-07T21:34:00.004+01:00

I shoved my stuff, locked my locker and took my water bottle. I felt odd. I looked down and I laughed! No way was I going to walk back another 10 minutes to change then brace the cold weather again. Sometimes, the things I do *sigh*, I wonder what's wrong with me. Who cares anyway right? So I spent an hour and a half in gym wearing two different sneakers. A white on the left, a grey on the right. Well done!

I looked at my CV earlier this evening and couldn't help feeling awful. It's empty, empty and empty. Who's going to employ me? I'm interested in a couple of smaller companies though, especially when I see their training is in Paris, Switzerland or Canada. For now I'm just going to be thick face and send my details to everywhere I see possible (including a paediatric hospital, haha).

I did my weekly grocery shopping today and my housemate saw what I bought. He shared with me this joke when he saw I bought my wheatgerm bread. I love it because my bowel movements are superb after digesting two slices daily with milk. So, my bread's brand is Hovis, and the joke goes like this

Two men called at my door and asked me what bread I ate. When I said 'white' they lectured me on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.

Stupid Hovis Witnesses!

End of joke.

I finally finished recovering my hard drive which crashed back last year. It took me 10 days, and I'm so impressed with the results. I sorted out my pictures, and it goes way back to the first picture I took before I left for UK. Then there was Ireland, Italy, Hungary, Paris, Belgium, Copenhagen, Germany, Austria and many local cities sandwiched in between, all recovered!

It all started with wanting to be different. Then it was being adventurous. Moved on to seeking fun. Matured to take responsibilities. Looking at where I am today, still a long way to go, I say.

Sunday, Snow & Serenity

2008-04-06T08:44:00.008+01:00

It's early in the morning and it's still snowing since last night. Far from staying cosy under my duvet, I've actually cleaned my toilet, rearranged my pharmacy notes, ate breakfast, did laundry and cleaned up all the random mess I always do in my room within 2 hours, on a Sunday morning.

I'm suffering from a cold at the moment and the mucus is driving me nuts. It's not about blowing the workaholic nose nor the clearing of the blocked path whenever it dries up but the post nasal drip which is choking me. The phlegm, oh the irritating phlegm.

I feel so weird. It IS April, but I feel like I'm still living in January. Jobbie doesn't seem good these days. I can't wait until I'm just done with the registration exam. It's official. I'm going to be jobless when August comes. I've rejected my company because they couldn't give me what I wanted. My store manager gave me a last route to see if whether I would want to stay back where I am currently. As tempting it may be in terms of financial and transport wise, my heart is not willing. Put it on the bright side, I'm still young and I should risk. So there. 9 months into working in community, I do see its perks. Problem is, it's too routine, some customers drive me up the wall and I get bored.

Dear Scf, I know how you feel after seeing this. Keep calm.

British Airways is so unorganised. Unexpectedly this driver turned up at my doorstep yesterday at half past seven asking for my friend's bag. I had to make him wait, but it wasn't my fault as BA said someone would call me first. I was airing the smelly bagpack so stuff were all in plastic bags. As usual, surely I've forgotten something when I'm in a hurry and this time, it was all my friend's underwear. Bless him. If I've forgotten his Arsenal jersey though, he would have slaughtered me over the phone.

If there was a brilliant concept, Yotel would be one. I was in Heathrow Terminal 4 after I got back from Prague flying to Amsterdam. We were going to spend overnight on the seats. We were out the whole day in London and were dirty and tired. By chance, we came upon this bunk bed style hotel from 25 pounds for 4 hours. Yes, we fork out for a nice shower and bed, to stay for 6 hours. It cost us 49 pounds, but divided by 2, you do the maths.

The only picture we managed to snap

Because we were so tired, there were no pics. The bed and bathroom is somewhat similiar to what you would find for air stewards and stewardess in a plane. This hotel is such a space saver. I think it's great though. What most transit travellers would be looking for is a nice shower and some nice sleep for a couple of hours. I slept like a pig after I bathe, but my friend was using the free internet.

I've sorted out all my pictures. I'll be going out soon to Southampton to meet up with the girls over sushi. Will blog about my fat spree in Czech sometime later.

My Quieten Life.

As time moves forward

2008-04-01T17:30:00.005+01:00

Spring

My friend was here for a week with me. It was great fun doing things together especially pillow fights, farting competitions and teasing one another. I realised it's not easy to live with someone else (in the same room). All your little actions will be noticeable and definitely, there would be something that would annoy you. But I guess, we do learn how to tolerate each other and fight less as each day goes by.

I sent off my friend at Heathrow Airport today (the place is still so chaotic) and it was tearful. Goodbyes are always emotional. I was a bucket full of tears embarrassing myself at the departure gate. Though there would be goodbyes, we would all be reunited again at some point - and so did my bag, with me. I came home, and finally after 6 days, my backpack greeted me smelling of rolling papers and cannabis. Interesting stories about the sinful stuff coming up later.

Back to The Ordinary.

Oh yeah, it does get tough sometimes

2008-03-29T04:19:00.002Z

My trip was fantastic.

Everything went well..until the last day.

Missed the canal bus, flight got delayed and worst of all, my luggage is still in Amsterdam. We (my friend and I) were the lucky ones to fly into Heathrow Terminal 5 on its opening day but we were unlucky to NOT get our bags. Then we took Heathrow Express and yet, we missed our train back home. ARGH!

So. all my souvenirs and cosmetics are gone. From Prague - London - Amsterdam. Everything! They're so slow in tracing my bags..I don't know will I get them either. I hope it doesn't go missing or I'll cry.

Another stamp from Prague..again

2008-03-22T14:05:00.004Z

I'm at the airport back to London, resting for a day before heading to my next destination.

It was snowing on the first day, yesterday was freezing and today is rainy. Luckily there was sun shining in between.

I saw the beetle in the bottle! Gross!

Okay.

Will let you know what absinthe and cannabis vodka taste like next week!

Fay fay fay!

2008-03-18T22:11:00.004Z

It's 10.15pm and here I am printing documents, writing emails to my family and doing last minute packing. Weather does not look good at all but it's okay, I'm there to relax and enjoy.

I have been researching since I got back from work and I came to realise I actually don't know much about the Jews. Would be interesting to fully understand what's about them back in those war days.

I'm so excited that I could barely focus on my audit which is to be done before tomorrow. It's okay, I'll just sleep at the airport. I've got a good record except for the one time when I flew to Frankfurt. The first time trying to sleep in Stansted was not good. That airport is basically working 24/7. This time I'm sleeping not once but twice at airports again. We shall see. If not, I shall just do my work.

I've also just realised I travel a lot with guys and I prefer it actually. We don't stop to shop, we walk fairly fast and when I'm in seedy areas, it's great to pretend I'm attached.

I now understand hydro and bio, sativa and indica.

Easter is going to be quiet in London but as long as I can find food in Chinatown, I'm happy. I'll be back end of next week. Hope everything goes well.

Happy Easter!

A Muse

2008-03-17T20:50:00.005Z

5 day forecast when I'm on holiday say it's going to be shower, rain, rain, snow, shower! Nooo...! There goes my chance of packing my finest and back to be the scruffy backpacker with unfashionable clothes that I always am. I thought since I'm going to two different places, maybe I could pack 2 different jackets but I shall have to save my energy for that since no way I can stuff my 25litre bag with 8 days' preparation and 2 jackets. I shall have to rinse and repeat too. The sadness of not being able to impress!

I was at Southampton today. Walking in the West Quay mall window shopping I spotted this girl holding a Krispy Kreme bag. My eyes went wide open and consoled myself she must have bought it somewhere. There is no Krispy Kreme here! 2 minutes later, my jaw dropped! There was the colourful array of donuts staring at me! Of course I immediately whipped out my wallet and bought one. I asked the girl and she said the store just opened today. What a gem. I feel so smug right now.

Shall I wear boots? Trainers? Which jacket? Argghh! Decisions.

2 more working days

2008-03-15T22:32:00.003Z

At work today, I had to go through the whole set of requirements with my tutor before a customer could obtain the EHC pill, more commonly known as the morning after pill. There is a scheme here under the PCT for children age 13-18 where they get the pill for free, and a whole bag of goodies.

Part of the training includes demonstrating to my tutor that I'm competent enough to advise on her sexual life which I also have to teach the girls how to wear a condom properly. There was a plastic willy in front of me, and it was hard to pull a straight face explaining to my pharmacist. The interesting thing was this vagueness of the question 'Are you sexually active?' It could be interpreted in many ways.

Weather is rubbish! I hope the rain shall stop next week.

Searching

2008-03-13T21:12:00.005Z

No longer are the days that we yearn for the 'It' bag that much, driving the best car in town nor earning enormously to buy a bungalow overlooking the sea.

These days we talk about volunteering in third world countries, shopping for organic clothes, buy fairtrade food, adopt an abandoned child, travel around the world, etc. I think the younger generation today do not think of saving up for the future but rather to pursue a meaningful life by all means.

Today I had a resolution ticked off too. I finally became a blood donor and am thinking of being an organ donor too. The whole process didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. I've never had an epidural (eek!) but the closest I got to was having a Vitamin C injection and because my vein wasn't very clear, I had several jabs on both hands and trust me, ascorbic acid can be painful when it leaks! Today my veins were clear thankfully. I can't stand seeing huge amounts of blood so seeing my blood filling up wasn't pleasant at all.

This woman who was next in line was telling me about how she eats her food according to her blood type. I'm a meat eater according to her. Gah. I have not been taking beef for a year and am mighty proud of my achievement. Turning vegetarian in the future appeals to me and I told her that but she kept insisting I need my meat. I just nodded and said thank you for her advice.

The nurse asked me if I was happy to be contacted in an emergency. My blood group is hard to find you see (and rarer in Asia). I've seen emails circulating before seeking for my type. I'm glad I will make a difference to another person.

Shouldn't all of us who are capable be blood donors?

Any plans for Easter?

2008-03-11T22:46:00.006Z

I don't know what to blog about. It's not a blogger's block, but I have too many issues to settle. I simply can't wait for my holiday vacation next week (I hear some people say..again?) but I think I deserve a little down-time!

I have been going around here and there these days; conference, off job training days and working in other places and areas. Like this week, at 9.25am I catch the first bus on an hour journey ride to this little town for work. Last bus is at 4.10pm, so imagine, I actually only work 5 hours a day and get paid for whatever I've always worked for. It's quite a nice change to be honest. I get to see the countryside with bus and cars squeezing for the only lane, vehicles stopping for ducks to cross, nice little cottages with thatch roofs and the likes.

I have a whole pile of countryside pictures but I lost my adaptor thingy so I have no idea how am I supposed to transfer them to my laptop now. My camera doesn't even exist in the UK so I can't even get hold of it, and neither does eBay. Anyone know where I could get an adaptor for a Sony DSC-T2?

Nowadays I get some of my coursemates back in uni asking me if I'm going to stay here. It seems majority are going back. Reasons include being with family, having a car and the starting pay is not that bad (it's RM2900 not including allowances and bonuses from the government which sometimes could turn out to be RM4000 per month). It's an easier life, the way I interpret it. Imagine all the money would be pocketed for your own pleasure.

I don't earn a lot being in training this year. Let's not even talk about the taxes and National Insurance that gets deducted. At the moment, I'm saving up to buy a secondhand car. A good one would probably cost on average 5000 pounds? Then there's the petrol, the MOT and the car insurance. I would also have to worry about paying for having a roof on top of my head, not to forget about food and some indulgence occasionally. Piling on more is trying to invest in properties which I don't see how I could afford at all.

But all above I shall worry when the time comes. My final exam is coming up at the end of June *gasp* which is like 2 months plus, not counting March. That's the hurdle. I've got loads of papers on my desk and emails flying in from everyone in my network getting hold of papers, tips and whatnots. The other hurdle is I'm jobless. Hah. Well, my company couldn't give me where I want to be. Plus, I'm trying my luck in industries although they say they prefer some experience. I'll still try.

So..as you can see, I'm trying to lead a stress-free life. I think I will have some absinthe and chocolate brownies on my holiday. I know, I'm excited about holidays, as always.

Easter is coming! Going anywhere nice?

Leaving notes

2008-03-07T12:14:00.006Z

Imagine you're walking down the street when suddenly someone comes up and say 'Hi Zhen!' You turn around and look at him or her. Might have seen him or her before, might have not.

That's when you realise people do recognise you from the pharmacy. So scary.

My life nowadays is so busy!

Hot, rosy cheeks

2008-03-01T19:43:00.003Z

I'm so happy at this moment of life, in a soulful, gleeful, happiness way.

Sometimes there are so many things to worry about but when you can sit down, talk and laugh about it, life's good. At times I wonder why do we carry so much burden ourselves. It's great having just a couple of friends, having a good time, doing activities together, spread our beach towels open wearing sweaters basking in the sun, window shopping, etc. On top of that, when you bond and meet someone who makes you laugh at your silliness, everything is even way much better.

There's this warmth that keeps putting a smile on my face and make my cheeks flush. Things are looking good and I'm already head over heels. I miss this fuzzy feeling for so long!

:)

Ok lah, that explains a lot.

**

Head over heels aside, even though I'm ineligible to vote, I've been so happy talking to people about politics. I've never been one to take notice until this year, with the US elections and the upcoming Malaysia's, the topic is actually very interesting. I actually talked into the minds and influenced some of my friends. Truthfully, now is the biggest moment to change before it's too late. 5 years later, we could be a third world country. I'm all for the Rebels!

And living in Penang, I hope the next CM is not another puppet. In fact, I've lost all my respect to the current one when he made the statement that part of the requirements to be a good leader includes 'knowing how to speak Mandarin'. Such discrimination!

Gah. Boiling fury! Sheesh.

**

Going back to my fluffy rainbows and 20 more days to packing bags again :)

What matters

2008-02-29T11:43:00.003Z

I slept through an earthquake.

I fell sick for two weeks. I felt like crumbling.

Called in sick today to give myself some more time.

So now I'm at this point I feel so good of myself.

That's all that matters.

What size are you?

2008-02-24T14:48:00.004Z

Pret a Manger's ad is so cute!

After 3 weeks, I went to the gym today. I sweated like a pig sinking on the stepper and barely moving on the cross trainer. My hands ache over 5kg dumbbells and my legs are wobbly after completing 4 resistance machines.

I feel so much better here. There are skinny girls but they aren't as skinny as what I've seen back in Malaysia. I had a one day free pass to Fitness First in Penang and the horror when I stepped into the gym instantly made me felt worse. I have been battling my weight since I was a teenager. I wasn't fat but I wasn't thin. Stuck in between has never been easy. M doesn't fit, L is too big. From what I've seen, the average Malaysian is now a UK size 6. A little less more and we'll have a nation of US size 0. With so many slimming centres, when did we start to get obsessive with our bodies?

I'm a UK size 10 and my Mushroom Risotto soup taste really good.

Morning rise & shine

2008-02-23T08:49:00.002Z

Here I am eating cornflakes, reading the newspaper and attempting to update my stale blog. Finished the news section; can't help feeling sad with what's going on around the world.

So there I was flipping to read the comics and completing the sudoku when I came across my horoscope this morning. I'm not a firm believer, but the words were inspiring.

You can't look at your life like it's an algebra problem. Solving for variable X just doesn't work when, frankly, everything is a variable. That's the joy (and the rub) of being human.

Well said, huh?

My sore throat has been going on for 4 days. Now I'm very soft spoken and sexy. What a change from being loud and blabbering all the time! Aside from the teases, the Godiva chocolates have been staring at me for days. What else is good to cook besides another bowl of porridge and soup?

Where'd you go?

2008-02-22T07:03:00.006Z

A blotch in the mind.

I'm finished with jetlag. After 3 days of hibernating, I'm back to normal, although up a bit earlier than usual. The weather is looking quite good actually, with mornings being brighter and evenings being longer. Spring would be nice, not having to don the winter coat and all the heavy knitted clothes that comes with it.

Surprisingly, this week I've been great at timing. I wake up early and walk like normal to work. I used to rush like hell just to make it before the store opens. Let's hope my old habits die easy. The good part that comes with it is I get to bask in more of my surroundings on my way there. I see people smile, dogs with wagging tails and elderly couple holding hands. Thoughts come into my mind and it turns into a big great blog topic which I say to myself I'll have to write it up when I get home.

After a day's work, all I want to do is get a warm shower and rest my poor little legs. The explosive topic that I was going to tell you about has disappeared because I couldn't remember anything at all. Maybe it's the stress, or maybe I'm suffering from partial memory loss. It has been only 4 days since I got back from holiday but things at work are not looking good. I have a growing dislike of my manager..

At least I had some fun window shopping yesterday in Southampton, Sunday sees me in London with friends and next week I'm up in Nottingham. Time passes by very fast isn't it? I can't wait until Easter. Another holiday, then in April, another holiday! 2 month's after that to slave then another holiday! Fantastic.

Okay. Have to get ready for work.

A ride

2008-02-18T18:42:00.005Z

When I went back to work today, I was utterly dissapointed at those whom I thought cared and surprised those that do. It wasn't those that I am always with asked about my recent holiday. I too am upset at the other trainee for she hasn't told me anything the stuff that I had been missing out and does everything that is needed without telling me. Every man for himself. I should have learned it by now.

I'm now down with fever, sore throat and cold. The whole 2 weeks I was back I was always up early and slept late. Eating fried stuff and CNY treats did not help as well. I met up with most people only once, lucky few I met twice, and many not being able to at all. Some nosey friends asked how I celebrated Valentines, and all I can say it has been the best day since I got home.

All things change. Penang with its quirks starts to lose its appeal to me. My family; some things would never be the same. Friends; we all turn older and wiser. A part of me feels the guilt for not being there for everyone, not being home to where it matter the most. I see the sadness and loneliness in those eyes and I feel hopeless.

On my plane back, a passenger passed out due to hypoventilation. I slept only an hour throughout the ride as I had been movie binging. A lesson learnt is not to watch sad stories on planes. I literally cried and cried until I soaked my whole pillow on my face, embarrassed someone would notice. I'm sure the Vietnamese girl who sat beside me pretended to not hear the sobs. Lately I can't help withholding those tears. Of all the movies, there was this Japanese one called Signs of Love and it was such a sad story. Someone please teach me how to stop my tear ducts from working too hard.

The girl who sat beside kept typing and typing away on her Mac. At the corner of my eye, I saw it was a letter to someone she loved. I guess it is a ldr. I saw the sentence 'I asked myself a thousand times how I feel about you' and words such as webcam, skype etc. I stopped myself from scanning more. She reminded me of how I used to be like.

Just received a call to cheer me up. Time to go and rest :)

2 weeks

2008-02-16T23:50:00.000Z

With a weary heart, I leave.

Another bowl of laksa, please

2008-02-13T01:51:00.000Z

The past week has been hectic for me. I had my glasses and contact lenses done, had my wisdom tooth extracted and was down in KL to celebrate CNY. It has mostly been eat, sleep, eat, eat, sleep and I didn't entirely enjoy the big city, but it was a welcoming rest. I spent most of the time playing with a newborn puppy, with the eyes barely opened and still crawling. He looked so cute sucking the milk bottle and having his two paws holding it.

This week has not been any easier for me too. I had to get my passport done and run minor errands before I head back. I have been going round and round the island eating and catching up with friends and family. And it has been like that ever since. I wake up, go out, eat, eat, eat, eat again, go out, eat, eat, eat, eat again. From 8am until 12am everyday.

There's so much to share. From one of my relatives who has schizophrenic symptoms to the highway jam to the best customer service I received to what I have been eating (Oh, glorious Penang food!) I'm eating as I'm typing now. Lol.

This time round, it's great to be back. I caught up with A LOT of friends, meeting one after another. Many asked if I'm going to stay put in UK. I give the usual answer. Everyone wants out, they tell me. Don't ask me.

I'm flying back this Sunday. 2 weeks is never enough for everyone and everything. I feel guilty not being able to pour out more time, but my heart's content. Seeing the happy faces I influenced are all that I need. This is probably the best Valentine's gift.

Hope you're painting smileys too. Love like there's no tomorrow. So true :)

Just to wish you

2008-02-06T07:50:00.000Z

Happy Chinese New Year!

I'm melting in KL's heat.

Food is good.

When I retire, I want to live by the sea, enjoying myself in a hammock.

Sandwiched

2008-02-03T15:53:00.000Z

My tummy is so full I could barely move! I have been eating 4 meals since I landed at 6pm. Hah! So much for all the exercise in the gym.

I was late to get my tickets at the counter yesterday, so when I arrived all panicky, I forgot to ask for a window seat. I thought I'd be lucky. As usual, I don't have much luck. Not only was I in the middle, I was squashed between two overweight guys. I started up conversations, but neither of them wanted to talk so you could imagine how I was feeling throughout my flight to Singapore. Not good.

I felt like I had culture shock when I landed at the airport. CNY songs playing in the background, people talking in Hokkien so quickly and I stammer, and after driving in the UK for quite some time, Penang driving is all about bravery. Not any help at all that everyone is jamming up the island!

I know it's barely 12 hours and I'm home, but somehow, I feel foreign. I hope this feeling doesn't last.

Bon voyage

2008-02-01T23:30:00.000Z

This guy is driving me nuts. It's like, he likes me, he likes me not. I had dinner with him today, and I can't quite figure it out. Guys are complicated. The end.

I'm a very open-minded person. I grew up being exposed to many things, and so there isn't as much shock that I couldn't handle nowadays. Today I went waxing. I had done Hollywood before back then in Newcastle. It wasn't painful at all, I don't know why. I did Brazilian this afternoon and it hurt like hell.

Spreading legs is fine but today, I had to be on fours and had my butt creek inspected. Um, a bit horrifying because the waxer was wearing this pair of goggles but they were magnifying glass. She was happily plucking the strays. The thoughts that were racing in my mind..better left unsaid.

It's so late now and I haven't got everything packed and done. I bet I'll be sleeping on the train to London tomorrow. I thought I would stick to my new year resolution but it turns out I'm back to me. Simply last minute.

Aeronautical love

2008-01-31T18:48:00.001Z

My holiday has officially started since 5.30pm. Woohoo! The joy! The jumping joy! I seriously am not a working person. I start the day thinking what will I do when I get home. Yup. I just hope I'm still not like that when I reach 55. I'm totally un-workaholic.

It's so funny.

3 of us are going back home on Saturday, but we wouldn't meet each other at all, even though it's Heathrow Terminal 3. That's because 1 is going back at 10am, another at 4pm, and last one at 10pm. Too bad, because it would have been fun to meet up.

I'm still contemplating to go down to London tomorrow, or the day after. I want to do some shopping because of my last-minute gift buying, but if I stay overnight, more money is going to get burnt in my pocket. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

I've stocked up magazines, books and bringing some study materials as well. 100ml creams, and whatnots to keep me entertained for 16 hours. Okay, gtg. All dressed up for a posh dinner tonight. I'm going to miss this, I know, but I'm happy to revert back to simplicity sans make up and high heels.

'Darlin, send a postcard to us when you're back home.'

Nearly there but not quite

2008-01-29T22:39:00.001Z

I loathe this kind of feeling.

1) I had my society's 26 week review done today. Needless to say, most competencies could be signed off, but I just lack one or two evidences to prove. So the boxes are still blank. Sheesh.

2) My other review, nearly had full marks, but just lack one short for some of them. In the end, the cumulative marks are good enough, but not brilliant. That's just not good. I can't believe it's just 10 weeks left to my exam.

3) Badminton match for the Wessex Cup. 2 sets. We could have nearly won, but lost 20-21. Nearly nailed it but no, if you don't win, it doesn't count.

4) I'm counting the days. In a small, tiny, tiny place, I secretly wished I am not going back, especially during CNY. Yes, I'm excited but no, I don't really want to be forced talking about my life to all my nosey friends and relatives.

5) Nothing else I guess. I should stop complaining.

**

I think I've been speaking English too much. Now I start saying really frequently:

Crikey! Blimey! What are you like?

Ta. Oh, dearie me. I'm sorry, honey.

Thank you, love. Yes, darl? Yes Sir. No Sir. G'day!

The worst is when customers drive me nuts. One was complaining today that I'll give her a heart attack because she can't get her tablets, and it's not even our fault! Pisses me off when the surgery never gets their prescriptions done on time. That is when I utter under my breath 'Fuck, I hate this job. Please let this be Friday'.

When is Friday coming?!!

You know you're awesome

2008-01-27T22:26:00.000Z

..when you speak to your younger cousins and you both wtf all the way. It is great laughter although I don't think I'll dare try it on my Mum. They still call me sis. Lol.

I bought a pair of frilly platforms from Topshop today and am feeling all so smug. I can't wait to show it off walking tall. Best buys include a satin blazer from Zara at 9.95, a pair of vintage looking bow earrings from Selfridge, a ballet dancer necklace from the Sunday market and a red heart ruffles knickers from Ann Summers.

I'm getting a haircut this week as well. All set; prim and proper!

One problem though, is waxing cheaper here or cheaper at home? Anyone?

She likes it wet

2008-01-26T22:16:00.000Z

I shall ride The Thruster one day..

**

The weather was incredibly sunny and hot today.

Best weather ever, because I went surfing! I know it's crazy that it's still winter, but the days seems brighter, the birds seems chirpier and everyone is just happy to be at the beach. I donned my stylish catsuit and head into the waters with the heavy blue board in tow.

I think I was just about one and a half hours in the sea before I called it a day. I've lost my stamina and fell off the board a couple of times. I still feel like there are waves knocking my head. Gah. Perseverance and practice!

I think I'm a devout Southerner now. I love Bournemouth so much, I even talked the locum into working there for a day. This particular locum is so funny. He's gay-ish, kept pounding questions onto me, but oh so adorable and I've got his email now. OMG.

It's so scary. Minus my annual leave, training days and activity fueled weekends, it's 10 weeks left to my qualifying exam. Damsel in distress! Shall put the thoughts to the back of the head and pretend it's still months away.

I've got 5 days left here. I've packed my suitcase. It's empty.
How exciting is that?!

When it all starts with C

2008-01-24T20:27:00.000Z

I've got Mr Tickle back in the summer, but isn't this the perfect tee?
It's so apt yet cute!

Today was the day.

It was nerve-wrecking last night. I couldn't sleep well, but I made myself truly tired, so I managed to get seven hours of sleep. This morning at work I just couldn't really focus, the clock was ticking furiously and I couldn't wait for it to be over. It's the past now. Finished.

I stalled at a roundabout, accidentally sped in the city centre and instead of moving to 5th gear, I went into 3rd. Typical me. I thought I would be so full of anxiety, but I kept telling myself I'm not going on a suicide mission so I maintained my cool. Result? I passed. All my money, finally, I could save it up for something else! I finally passed my driving test and am now on probation for 2 years.

Still, knowing all my friends, nobody dares to sit in my car. I think it'll all be so weird when I've got so used to manual and am heading home to drive my second home that I so dearly missed.

Oh well, I'm mighty pleased and that's all that matters.

The huffs and puffs

2008-01-22T17:44:00.000Z

This is post #350.

I haven't done an angry post for a long time. Well, I'm not even sure if I'm angry. I'm frustrated, more like it. Why me! ARGGGHH!

I think my colleague is damn smart. She's slow, so nobody picks her. Everyone pities her and she gets all the time in the world to do her case studies, to read up what she needs and gets one to one tutoring session. Because I'm fast and I'm capable, they're showering me with a huge amount of work, no time to do my case studies, audits and one to one session? It will be a miracle if I get 30 minutes of no interruptions with my tutor. They tell me to look at the bright side, that they're choosing me over her, but at the end of the day WHAT DO I GET?

Nothing. Not that I'll be appreciated in any way.

So, why me? Why choose me?

DAMN IT!

I need to go and release my frustration.

The buzz

2008-01-20T19:32:00.000Z

I frequent the gym every Sunday. Today the fitness instructor had a long chat with me. Sometimes it's so amusing the topics we talk about. I barely know him, but we chatted away about the marketing strategies of the club, our hobbies and where we're planning to go to for our summer holidays. Have you met a guy who can swim but doesn't know breast stroke? That's him. The girl who can swim but doesn't know how to float? That's me.

I was down in London 2 days ago (3rd time in 3 weeks straight) to catch Phantom of the Opera. It has been a year since I went to the theatre and now, my passion for them has been reignited. I'm looking forward to Chicago in March. I have forgotten to buy the February tickets to DJ Tiesto's Party, and now the prices are from 185 (downstairs standing). Sigh. I guess I shall have to give it a miss. Maybe my luck will come for Glastonbury Festival! Well, there's no harm in hoping.

I've started looking at opening applications and ABPI gave me the whole long list that I need. I shall need to scratch my head soon to beautify my CV, choose companies wisely and write creative answers to nonsensical questions. I hate such time consuming processes.

Wished I could give it all up and have fun in Honduras.

8 words

2008-01-20T00:19:00.001Z

I am tired.

Where has my weekend gone?

The thirds

2008-01-18T22:56:00.000Z

:)

I'm all smiles because finally, finally after 3 days of screwing panel by panel I've got there in the end. My desk! This is like..superb! Incredible and so much more convenient.

After 6 months surviving on a coffee table I'm finally planting my ass on a chair and write notes, read journals, use a desk like everyone else. The days of sitting down cross legged, having cramped legs and back aches shall not exist anymore.

**

I met a girl today, whom I made friends with from the local internet community. Imagine to my amusement I asked her when's her birthday and I heard her.. saying mine! What are the odds you meet someone for the first 5 minutes and realised you actually share birthdays together (and it's New Year Eve, mind you) and both of you do actually have a friend in common?

She is the 11th person I know working for the Ministry of Defence. The things that they do, I wonder if they'll accept me too. It's really interesting from what I've heard so far. There's the airbase field as well. The engineers I know are always not around because they're all over the world, including flying to Afghanistan, Israel or even the States.

**

At work today, I was really surprised. This guy came up and he was really friendly. He said we were his last hope because instead of just doxycycline, his GP decided to prescribed the branded name and other pharmacies did not have it. We did. Anyway, I served him and the next minute he told me

Him: I'm going to visit you next month.
Me: Excuse me?
Him: I'm going to Kuala Lumpur, then heading to Penang.
Me: *in shock* How did you know I'm a Malaysian?
Him: I just know.
Me: I'm impressed!

Seriously, I am. He's the first person to get it right the first glance.
I'm no longer paranoid!

Those conversations

2008-01-17T23:01:00.000Z

I just came back from a date 2 minutes ago.

I saw him drove off from my window, heart skipped a beat. I'm new to all this, especially when I'm not dating a Malaysian anymore. Well, Brits definitely are more well mannered.

I received some pretty flowers too!

It was a great night out.

To more giggly days, definitely.

Hip a Hop

2008-01-17T00:46:00.000Z

Madness!

I forgot I have a review with my fitness instructor tomorrow at 8.30 in the morning. I've to wake up early. Great. So much for that few hours of glee thinking I'll be lying on the bed until the cows come home.

Do you know Egyptians remove the brain from the nose before they mummify the deceased? Just fyi. I'm random, I know.

I was wasting time surfing and reading up about South America and stumbled upon dances. What a great discovery that within 10 minutes' walk, there are 3 venues for me to learn dancing. Here, in this boring, small town! Shoes! More excuse now to shop for a pair and dust my two left feet.

Now, now. If only I could find a violinist.

Behind bars

2008-01-16T19:46:00.000Z

If there is one word to explain this awful bangin' headache situation, it is

D R A I N E D.

How I wished the word could have been a better one. At least, cheering up, I'm going to get soaked. I'm heading to the gym, hoping to do a few stretches to get more endorphins into my brain. I need the rush of ten spoonfuls of sugar, the high of an orgasm, and the it feels better than the evil plastic. My shopping list is extremely pricey and sometimes I wished I hadn't such exquisite and expensive taste. Even if I convert my pounds into ringgit, no way I can afford all the electronics I intend to buy in the few coming weeks.

:(

That aside, I got a day off tomorrow and I'm spending it working on my new DIY project. I had that chest of drawers back in August, then a spanking new toilet seat cover in October, the latest would be totally major and hopefully, nothing disastrous. Gawd. I don't even know wtf is an Allen key. The instructions booklet is pointless.

I don't have a boyfriend. I would really love one right now!

Moments ED

2008-01-14T23:27:00.000Z

How many days do you walk in the rain being truly happy that it rained, despite the windy weather, despite your feet is soaked, despite it's late at night and you're truly tired?

I did.

I was so happy I catwalk-ed all the way home in my soaking wet heels under my red brolly listening to music looking at bright merry lights seeing people laughing in the nearby pubs.

No, this doesn't happen too often, but yes it's getting more and more frequent these days and I'm learning to be entirely satisfied with everything surrounding me.

I'm opening.

Yesterday I saw a mouse scurrying in the subway, I skipped along to the amusement of my friend when the busker played a happy song, took the boat from the O2 Arena to London Bridge Pier and utilised 85% of my brain power trying to interpret art in Tate Modern.

Today I met up with my friend, whom I've got to knew back 2 months ago. She bought me a gift, a babydoll dress from Forever 21 all the way from Miami, Florida. It fits like a glove, I'm so pleased! I met up with a dentist; who told me many stories that opened me up. Fancy a walk to India without any money? Head out for a day and see what free things you could get? Go straight up and talk to strangers? Swap your skills and help the community! All of this were exchanged in our conversations.

I'm trusting.

It just shows that there are so many things out there that doesn't really matter. The only thing that does, is what you really want. I'm definitely having a great night sleep tonight. My heart's so content.

Tomorrow I've to wake up at 6 to catch my train to Bristol. I'm also excited it's 5 weeks away to a conference in Nottingham too. More networking!

Quick question:

Does she look like a mainland Chinese?
A British born Chinese (BBC)?
Mixed race?
or what do you think?

Following the flow

2008-01-11T22:56:00.000Z

In less than 48 hours, I'm heading down to London again.

My friend tempted me, he said he'll buy lunch and treat me like a princess if I accompanied him. I did kind of like to walk around aimlessly..maybe do some shopping, sit on the grass in Hyde Park if the weather is permitting or hang around in one of the many museums (my friend once said that's one of the cheapest place you can bring a date to). Yes, I am crazy to say yes when next week I'll be travelling to Southampton and Bristol too.

When I think about it, sometimes it's easier not to over analyse and give oneself too much thoughts. Life's more exciting when we just do what we want to do, you know, seize the day and do that whole thingamajig. Don't we all wish we could do that all the time anyway?

I'm just going with the flow.

Just another day

2008-01-09T22:15:00.000Z

I am supposed to shower but here I am, typing away gleefully!

I finally (after 3 weeks of drought) dragged my sorry ass to the gym. Did an hour of cardio, half an hour of weights, swam 10 laps and sat in the sauna for 15 minutes before I had to leave because the gym was closing. I should have done it sooner and not gave myself excuses.

I'm eating cherries now because I passed Tesco on the way back home and had to buy toilet rolls, but got tempted by the fruits aisle. In trying to being green, I had my toilet rolls, 2 papayas, 1 punnet of cherries, 2 apples and 2 bananas in my hands. Must remember to bring along my foldable bag the next time.

3 more weeks before I head home and I'm determined to get rid of the post-Christmas weight. I doubt I would lose weight enough to satisfy my relatives, but not like I care! I'm a bit grumpy though, because this year we're driving down to KL for the CNY gathering. WHY!!! For so many years it has always been home. I'm dying for Penang food! Plus, I was so excited about decorating my grandma's house because it has always been my job (mighty proud of my role) but not like we're gonna celebrate it together this time.

..

Today has been an exciting day at work.

Our locum did a truss fitting, and the patient (with inguinal hernia) was okay with me being there for training purposes. Umm. I couldn't giggle and I couldn't act squirmy but in the end, the embarrassment did fade. He had nice boxers though. It had sheep prints all over, and I hid my sheepish grin.

:)

Gratitude

2008-01-07T22:01:00.001Z

You don't need a reason.
Sometimes you don't.

..

..

..

..

..

You just feel.

Uh-oh

2008-01-06T16:58:00.000Z

My osmanthus tea

I'm hungry!

Today my housemate and I are having steamboat for dinner, with tomyam as the soup base. I can't wait until 6 when we start cooking, but I am starving like crazy right now and the fishballs in my fridge is tempting me.

My procrastination is getting from bad to worse. I was supposed to head out early today to buy a new desk (because I broke the leg of my current one - don't ask) but by the time I got to the store it was 3.59 and they were already closing the shop. Smart. I should know myself better!

For a week starting tomorrow, I would be catching the train to work elsewhere. I hope there are some hot guys in suits for me to check out sitting in my carriage so I would arrive at work all happy and excited. I'm quite nervous, and have started sorting out what I should wear. A suit perhaps? Ditch the blazer? How about a dress? Skirt or trousers? Arrggh!

I was chatting with my mum this morning. One topic lead to another and we ended up talking about sex. It has been quite sometime since we touched that topic. She was talking about men with power and money. I'm sure you know what she was regarding to. I sidetrack her saying being powerless could be exhilarating. Better if blindfolded or handcuffed. My mum instantly shushed me! Haha. You know, I've always wondered the skeletons everyone hide in the bedroom. It's disturbingly intriguing.

Our dispensary has been filled with gossips when we found out a colleague of ours got pregnant by her partner. She's a church-goer, they're not married and now she's getting that look by most of the people at work. It puts me deep in thought. I see 16 year olds already taking contraceptive pills; and usually those who has a partner would be taking the pill. I know there are lots of people out there who are not on them too. Looking at her case, does that mean that majority of people still use condoms as their preferred contraception?

Then again, seeing the amount of girls coming in for the morning after pill does say something else. And you know what? The pill here costs 25 pounds. My friend who works in a pharmacy in Malaysia told me it's only RM4 back home. That's like cheaper than rubber! Scary isn't it?

I got to eat right now. Hunger pangs! Food!

Owls hoot

2008-01-05T05:16:00.000Z

Overheard one of the methadone addicts telling my pharmacist, 'Your hair looks great but your face looks stressed'. A dispenser and I giggled at the back.

I've been thrown with so many things to do this month, I'm going to and fro, to and fro, like a rocking chair; except that I'm not relaxing and can't afford to have much fun. To be waking up at 4 to complete my work is not a good sign. I've been dilly-dallying here and there and now it's 5 ish in the morning. I haven't even completed any work!

I must remember to tell myself to not resist transformation. It'll all help me to get there in the end but who am I kidding anyway when work would never end!

This is no horseplay

2008-01-03T20:19:00.000Z

As far as I'm concerned, if there is a small column about Malaysia in The Metro or London Paper, it's either bad news or silly news. Well, I guess sex scandals are always a hot topic to put in the news.

I'm 3kg heavier thanks to all the year end parties and holidaying. Tomorrow onwards I'll have to be a regular at the gym to burn off all the extra before the end of the month where I'll eat like there's no tomorrow again. The weather isn't helping at all. It's chilly here but up in Newcastle and Glasgow, my friends are saying it was and is snowing today.

Into 2008, I'm broke. I wondered why my debit card did not went through when I tried to withdraw 50 pounds. Viola! 20.72 is all I have. To top it all up, I'm doing my driving test end of this month and I haven't have enough to pay for another driving lesson. Lol. You have to give it to me to be able to sort myself out and produce a lump sum at the end of the month. I don't know how I manage to do it everytime.

Finished with the ugly news. Here are the great ones!

After 6 months without any Chinese food, I pigged out in Chinatown from Thai to Malaysian to Chinese to Japanese. I finally bought my lamp. A Mathmos switch. I'm so obsessed with it! A sweep of a hand and it brightens or dims. I'm such a sucker for things like these.

Best buys from shopping include Reese's Peanut Buttercups (I found them in Topshop), Snapple (I found them in one of those convenient stalls at the tube station. I had never seen them sold here before), and a pair of 5 inch gold/black wedges. I do look incredibly tall with the shoes but that's half of the point right? I just need a tall guy to date.

Which leads to the next topic. I'm so over the 2 guys I was confused with. Alcohol is bad. It makes you feel lovey dovey. Leading to the next topic. I am engrossing myself with work, and half-heartedly, I have started thinking of my future. I see a direction that I might want to go into and it will involve postgrad. At my age, with 1 more year of experience, to further my studies shouldn't be too much of a problem as long as I save up enough money. I hope I don't chicken out by then because I intend to move to another continent and start my life all over again.

Turning over a new leaf, let me share with you what I've found. FreeRice improves your vocab and for every word you get right, the sponsors donate money to buy rice for the countries under the United Nations World Food Programme.

Melioration = improvement. Well, such an apt word to end my day isn't it?

What it feels like

2008-01-02T08:37:00.000Z

I celebrated my birthday in a peaceful town; it makes me want to retire right now even though I've just started working 6 months ago. I'll show the pictures of this German town next time when I've uploaded the pics.

I celebrated the new year in crazy style, with crackers deafening my ears and smoke enough to choke my lungs for a week.

I celebrated my belated birthday and new year in drunken style, after clubbing and kebab, omg, I fell down the stairs just outside the tube station. I'm still in London, going to do some shopping today before I head home. I still love this place, it has everything I want under the sun. Well, kinda.

So after all the celebrations and holiday is over, I guess I'm grounding myself. More work to be done, with another weekend holiday at the end of this month in Paris. I can't wait until then too. It's just 28 more days to home!

Patience is a virtue.

Dressing up

2007-12-25T14:37:00.000Z

I can't help to blog this.

Someone called me frigid yesterday and I laugh really hard everytime I think about it. Some people..sigh..how not to love the different people in this world.

For Christmas, my housemate got me an inflatable chair in the shape of lips. It's hard to pull a straight face thinking of inflatable + lips, if you get what I mean. Hehe. Anyway, I'm packing..I'm packing!

I don't know how I will manage to pull my luggage everywhere around London. Worse are those tube stations with only stairs. Worst case scenario I come out from Covent Garden station and I take the stairs. Never in my life again.

Okay. Packing!

The last post for the year

2007-12-22T22:23:00.000Z

Yesterday night, I was boiling porridge on the phone for 3 hours. It has been such a long time since I did that. It felt really great, having a heart-to-heart talk. I can't remember the last time I felt so relieved.

There was the past when I pretty much screwed up. Reminiscence of those days are awful. If I wasn't so bad, my life would be entirely different altogether. I don't regret though, for it turned out to be for the better good. Obviously my life isn't as crazy as it used to be before. No longer I am in the center of attention at a party nor being so busy I didn't know where time went. It isn't exactly what I would like to be but I'm clearer now about what I want to be. It's a conscious choice I make. I have a say.

Simple things like working my way throughout uni would have been one of those things I would laugh at when I was 18. Pampered since young; who would have thought? I didn't even know how to fry an egg until I flew here for my first taste of independence. I met different people; mostly not rocking my boat but it's not a bad thing. It makes me realise I need to experience the bad before I could appreciate the good.

From being extremely secretive to being totally revealing, I've come a long way. What I am not proud of is my relationship with my parents. While many other people out there have great communication between each other, mine is a somewhat complicated family. My parents practically know nothing about me. My thoughts, my work, my relationships, my friends. They don't ask and I never reveal. I didn't really understand why some adults behave in a way but now I do. It's never easy being responsible.

Coming out from a long term relationship was difficult. I've been so attached that I was lost without an arm to cling on to. It has been quite some time for me before I stopped holding on and put myself back in the water with cold feet. I'm much more relaxed these days. In fact, I go around and hug people that I barely know. It feels nice though. Hugging is so therapeutic. Life is short and there is so much fun, it will be a waste to drown myself silly in sorrow and self-pity. Oh yes, you're hearing this from me.

So I'm turning older, but I'm getting wiser too. I keep thinking I'm still 21! It feels odd when I see the rest of my peers turning 23. Well, I'm definitely looking forward to the holidays.

Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year.

See you 2008!

:)

It's Thursday!

2007-12-20T15:24:00.001Z

I'm not working today but this morning, I was over at my tutor's house to catch up on my training with her and to discuss what I would need to do before my next review. At this point, I'm probably too excited with Christmas and New Year that I haven't been really paying attention to my work and my looming exam at the end of June. I'm terrible at juggling my time well. I'm at this point wondering if I'm going to do it because I want to do it. I'm getting a bit half-hearted now and that's definitely not a good thing.

Found this really catchy song. There's certainly more drugs than that and some are spelled the old way. I love the parts where he sings 'if you want an overdose, there's always paracetamol' and 'calpol with no sugar in!'

Finished cleaning my room and will be putting up the Christmas tree with all my cards soon. Can't believe it's just next week!

Laughter makes people high

2007-12-20T00:10:00.000Z

Today is the last time I'm going to see him this year.

I had great fun twirling around in his chair, seeing his baby pictures and talking silly stuff. As he have to work for the last day tomorrow (it's my day off) and it was getting late, I had two options; to stay overnight or to go home. He did say I could share his toothbrush and wear his shirts, but nop, I'm not going into that territory. He gave me a kiss on the cheek when I left. I don't know what that means lah.

Too much fun is bad. I've got a meeting with my tutor tomorrow. Pretty much doom's day (for me). Wish me luck, wish me luck!

What I got myself into

2007-12-17T22:53:00.000Z

I have a feeling. This was not supposed to happen okay. So not fun anymore!

Thankfully I'm going on a holiday soon. I might just be over reacting. Hopefully. This just isn't the right time at all.

ARGHH! Headache.

Oops

2007-12-16T22:02:00.000Z

I have to learn how to keep my mouth shut at times. Some stuff are better left unsaid; especially when it just shows how shallow I am. I'm not, and I hate being a total idiot for what I said, and when it involves different races and relationships.

Brighton. My trip was fantastic! Crashed at my friend's friend's house until 4.30am before crashing at my other friend's house. Drank so much alcohol and was drinking just now again. I think I'm going to turn into a hippie soon too.

I occasionally read horoscopes, don't really trust them like 100% but I met a Geminian and somehow, it makes me wonder.

Capricornians are such complicated overthinking people.

Taking chances

2007-12-14T21:30:00.000Z

..is when you suddenly have the urge to grab the scissors and cut 5 inches of your hair. I did it, albeit a little senget, but it feels so good!

Swinging it, shaking it, I'm flaunting it!

Wormy

2007-12-13T21:54:00.000Z

I'm deciding what to pack for the weekend. I'm excited because it's a road trip, I need to do some christmas shopping and I haven't met my friend for nearly 5 months now.

Today in the pharmacy I had to measure out yellow soft paraffin using a spatula and weighing scales. It reminds me so much of the fun back when I was only a fresh first year undergraduate. Back then I really enjoyed studying pharmacy but now, studying pharmacy and working as a pharmacist is two totally different roles entirely. Thank God today is the last time I'll work from 8.30am until 9pm.

I was tired and at the last 15 minutes to closing time, I guess it took its toll. The customer came in to buy tablets for threadworm. I heard tapeworm (which we don't sell) and so I said we only have tablets to treat earthworms. Next minute, I started laughing. Gawd, I hope no one has earthworms! I don't even know how earthworms came out of my mouth! At least I made the customer laughed.

2 more weeks until Christmas, less than 3 more weeks until I turn older and 3 more weeks until a New Year. The only resolution I'm going to jot down then is to have '5 more minutes'.

The men fitness day

2007-12-12T22:49:00.000Z

I am so tired from gym today.

Ran on the threadmill a while, did some weights and proceeded to the swimming pool. I didn't realise my bikini was slightly awry. Nearly, nearly exposed. Luckily I spotted in time. Heh. There was the 5 minutes when I stepped into the jacuzzi and it was ALL MINE so I rest on my back with my legs outstretched. I was so happy with all the bubbling bubbles! All it took was one guy to ruin my moment. I had to sit back upright and share it with him. Grr.

I got to one of the personal trainers, and he's always so friendly to come talk to me. He keeps making sure I use the lax machine because he knows I completely hate it. Sigh. He was just telling me today to join the squash team and play in the league. Such trainers; you have to adore and hate.

In the swimming pool, sauna and steam room today, I came to realise that at 7.30 ish, all the hot bods come in. To be honest, I don't think I ever saw a fat guy in the gym. The guys are all so fit; nice chest, great abs and plenty of muscles to show off. Most people would be drooling. It struck to me that I'm not one of them though.

I hate hairy chests and I hate huge muscles. I do love broad shoulders, but I like them just nice and defined. I love ass. I prefer less leg hair but not none. Men without armpit hair? Hmm, I can't decide. I dislike the typical model stereotypes; you know, those who look like underwear models. I'm not a fan of David Beckham but he looks really good in the ad though.

I wonder if his parts were airbrushed? Corrupting the minds..

I don't fancy Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise is not my taste. I never had boyband posters all over my room as a teenager. I had no idols; be it an American actor or a Hong Kong singer.

Well, my likings can be complicated.

Snow soon, maybe?

2007-12-11T22:43:00.000Z

Wayhey!

It's -2'C when I was walking back home 10 minutes ago. There's frost everywhere, my breath could be seen in sync with my lungs, and my jacket; an extremely padded parka still is inadequate to keep me warm. Pull up the socks and start wearing a hat, oh yeah.

This is finally..winter.

Extravaganza

2007-12-10T21:51:00.001Z

So.

Yesterday we went to Winchester to ice skate. The place is actually quite pretty, a quaint old town with a nice cathedral. The ice rink was facing the cathedral with the German Christmas market surrounding it. We had mulled wine while waiting for the others. The girl serving was saying I trained my boyfriend well (he held up my brolly as it was raining and while I scavenged my bag for money, he paid). I couldn't stop laughing. He's a nice gentleman anyway. It has been ages since I last skated, probably when I was back in high school. I used to skate pretty well, had some moves and all but yesterday, I kinda chickened out. I thought I would not! I skated very cautiously, I was so scared of falling on my bum. We had dinner together, had great company, exchanged views of Britain; the culture, the people, the education, and teased one another. There was six of us, and all of us of different nationalities.

I went to sleep at 11pm last night, but woke up at 3 and could not sleep until about 5. That hour plus lying awake, I thought about the views said around the table, the thinking, the experience, my views and my thinking, I literally had my brain lighted up with 'wow, I can't believe it'. Hard to explain, really. Long, long story.

So.

We're meeting up again this Friday in Southampton. After that, I'm hitching a ride to Brighton. From there on, it's going to be a blast! My friend and I were planning to head to either a fancy dress party or attend a gig. Might even go hang out with the friends of my friend whom I'm hitching the ride with. I need to do some Christmas shopping too. Love the retro, vintage stuff there. That place is uber cool.

You know, I might have said this a lot these days, but well, I can get used to this life. Travel, fun, adventures and surprises. What's not to like?

Sniffles right for hot chocolate

2007-12-07T22:18:00.000Z

I woke up with a sore throat, with plentiful gooey green phlegm.

Took one lozenge and went to work.

Forgot my tissues and at the workplace, I played reindeer. I had been blowing my leaky nose nearly the entire day. Now my nose is sore even though I've used balsam tissues and I'm coughing more phlegm up. My eczema is flaring up. I am so gonna overdose myself on Vit C throughout this winter.

No plans for tonight. It has been two weeks where I've been out whole day, get back nearly midnight and crash on the bed at 2am. Too much socialising. My job has taken its toll too. I work on my off days, I work during the weekends and if the manager asks if I want to do some overtime, my name is in. This cramming just proves that it's time I get rested. Until this Sunday, that is. I've got activities up - and in the future I need to learn how to say no.

I had played in the club since 2 months ago, and I've got to know a few people. Meeting once a week for 2 months and the odd few matches playing for the league is not a lot of time is it? My mix badminton partner diagnosed my personality yesterday. I am surprised how I come off to everyone.

I couldn't help grinning.

Slow down

2007-12-05T22:12:00.000Z

I wonder if I could get what I want, would it be to have great communication skills or to have a deep knowledge of what I'm doing.

The Society has sent me this pile of papers, forms, placements and the stuff that I need to do for the rest of my training year. It's incredibly fast that it's nearly 6 months since I've started working. Flipping through the example questions, to my horror, I knew the answers for maybe 5% of the whole paper. This proves how much knowledge I lack, and I suddenly felt like my shoulders are so much heavier.

On another note, I've started to feel that itch at the back of my throat and my nose is getting congested. This whole week is still terribly busy for me. I hope I'm not catching a cold.

I'm so tired.